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Archive for September, 2016

Stop revving your engines, follow through on finding solutions to your problems.

An individual in one of my therapy groups was talking about a suggestion he had read in the book “Feeling Good-The New Mood Therapy.”

It went something like this: If a person always has to be pushed and nudged to get the job done, he should buy himself a wrist counter (worn like a watch). Every time he acts responsibly and initiates something, he gets to press the counter. Being able to count the actual times he took charge would encourage him to initiate taking more responsibility. A bit like the old saying, “Success builds success.”

After the man’s explanation, a woman in the group turned to him and said, “Well, did you get yourself the counter?”

The man laughed a little sheepishly and said, “No.” After some kidding, this guy agreed to buy himself one. The next thing, of course, will be whether the fellow uses it or lets it lie on his dresser.

As I left the group, I got to thinking about the fact that this kind of thing often happens. A person, or even a company, will get excellent information on how to go about solving a problem. When the solution is presented initially, there is a burst of enthusiasm. Two or three weeks later the solution is forgotten and the problem is brought up again.

The reason for this get-nowhere phenomenon is that it’s generally easier to talk about a problem than to take the necessary steps to solve it.

Solutions are often available, but it takes thought and effort to follow through. It’s often easier to rev the engine, staying in your car with your wheels spinning, than to get out and start pushing.

What problem do you need to solve today? Take courage. Be proactive. Do what needs to be done to solve it!

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Any relationship should support equity between partners: give and take.
A man told me in therapy the other day that he was bad  because he was too good. He has a bad habit of doing too much in a relationship. Consequently, his relationships end because the women feel smothered and eventually pull away.

What does he do that ultimately causes every relationship to terminate? Here’s a partial list he made for me entitled¬†“How to Smother.”

Make sure you hug her the minute you see her.
No matter what she’s doing, come up behind her and rub her back.
When she’s fixing dinner or doing a project around the house, offer to do it for her.
Just before you leave from work, call her to say good morning. When you leave for lunch, call and tell her where you’re going. When you leave work at night, check to see if she wants to get together even though you know she planned to be with her sister that evening.
Offer to pick up lumber to fix her deck and buy shrubs for the front of her house.
Tell her you forgive her for being late even before she apologizes.
Be available to anytime she wants to get together and always drop your plans.
Arrange to bring all your bills and paper work to her house so you can both work in the same room.
Encourage her to pursue exercising and reading while you clean her house.
Keep hanging around her house even though she has a date with her girlfriends hoping they’ll invite you to go to dinner with them.
While she’s using the bathroom, make the bed and lay out her clothes. Press her skirt and blouse if it’s wrinkled.
Get up when eating to get all the unexpected little extras during the meal.
Insist that she choose the restaurant, movie or activity of her liking.
If this is you, stop. Remember, if a relationship is going to make it, one essential ingredient is equity between the partners; that is, a give and take in the relationship.

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