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Archive for October, 2017

I walked into the kitchen the other morning and there was my husband’s dirty cereal bowl, a few toast crumbs, and a half cup of leftover coffee sitting on the table. “No big deal,” I thought.

I picked up the coffee cup and bowl, carried them to the sink, rinsed them out, and put them in the dishwasher. I also wiped off the table and wiped up some coffee grounds that my husband had obviously spilled while making coffee.

When I saw the milk sitting on the counter, I felt a slight twinge of annoyance. I hate it when people leave milk unrefrigerated. But when I found that the milk was still cold, I thought, “no big deal,” and put it in the refrigerator.

I prepared breakfast for our daughter, packed her lunch, grabbed a cup of coffee for myself, and went upstairs and got dressed for work. As we were about ready to leave the house, I did a final check. I turned off the light in my daughter’s room, “no big deal,” I unplugged her curling iron, which she had forgotten to turn off, “no big deal.”

We jumped in the car and I remembered it was Tuesday. My husband had forgotten to put out the trash. I jumped out of the car and instructed my daughter to do the same. The two of us lugged the trash cans out of the garage and to the street. The one I was carrying spilled and I got something icky on my hand. No big deal.

I went to the car, got the keys, unlocked the house, washed off my hands, remembered that I hadn’t defrosted anything for dinner, pulled out a package of hamburger, got back in the car, closed the garage door, and we were off.

Half way to school my daughter told me she had to have four dollars. I looked in my wallet and all I had was a twenty. I needed the twenty because I was going out for lunch. “Oh well,” I said, “Take the twenty. I’ll work it out, no big deal, I’ll stop by the bank.”

That night I found the cat didn’t have food in his bowl, poor kitty, so I got out the bag and filled his bowl. The cat is not my responsibility, but no big deal. While I was at it, I washed out his water bowl, gave him fresh water, and cleaned his litter box.

The week rolled by with a lot of “no big deals.”

On Friday I went to the garage to get my car and there sat the trash. That day I was running very late so I let the trash sit.

That night as I drove in the garage, I saw the trash. I walked in the house and gave everyone a loud lecture on what being responsible means…turning out lights, putting your dishes in the dishwasher, making sure the cat has food, putting out the trash.

My family looked at me like I’d lost my mind. My husband said quizzically, “What’s the big deal?”

Check out Doris’ latest books, “The Boy Whose Idea Could Feed the World” as well as, “The Parent Teacher Discussion Guide.” and “Thin Becomes You”.
Doris’ web page: www.doriswildhelmering.com

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My Mom wanted to take a turn having her friends over for dinner and cards,” said Mary Jane. But she’s no longer able to entertain by herself. Physically, it’s too tiring. And mentally, she’s having trouble remembering all there is to coordinate for a dinner. Because she couldn’t take her turn, she was going to quit the group. I told her not to quit her group. I’d help with the party.”

Several days before the party, Mary Jane and her mother worked out the menu. Mary Jane went grocery shopping. She ran to the bakery for dessert. Her husband picked up the wine. Mary Jane partly cooked the meal at her house, got dressed, packed up the food, took it to her mom’s and finished cooking it.

When the guests arrived, Mary Jane’s mother was able to sit and talk with her friends. Mary Jane served the dinner. She then cleared the table, washed the dishes and put everything away.

Serra took her 5-year-old granddaughter, Leah, to Union Station. When it was time to leave, Serra knelt down to fasten little Leah’s coat. As she was buttoning the coat, Leah kissed her on the forehead.

When my dad was growing up, no one taught him to say, “I love you.” It wasn’t something people did. Through the years, I’ve bugged Dad to give me hugs and say “I love you,” which he now does quite often.

Recently, my dad has become a little hard of hearing. This past spring he was helping me with my roses and I said something to him about mulching them. He looked up, smiled at me and said, “I love you too.”

Bill was busy with work. He knew from talking with his mother, who lives in another state, that she was feeling lonely and needed a visit. Bill, unable to go, telephoned his sister and offered to pay her plane fare so she could go visit their mom.

I was having a cup of coffee on the second floor of the Galleria and watching all the shoppers walking around below. I noticed a mother holding her child and repeatedly kissing him on the cheek. I saw a father stop, put his packages on the floor, bend over and tie his little boy’s shoe. I saw two young girls walking hand-in-hand.

I also saw a couple, who probably were in their late 70’s, standing by one of the fountains. Both were wearing suits and both had berets on their heads. Suddenly, they looked up and saw me looking at them. I waved, pointed to their berets, nodded my head up and down in approval and smiled. They each blew me a kiss. I blew them one back.

You can give a valentine each day of the year.

Check out Doris’ latest books, “The Boy Whose Idea Could Feed the World” as well as, “The Parent Teacher Discussion Guide.” and “Thin Becomes You”.
Doris’ web page: www.doriswildhelmering.com

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The following story is Zen. Of all stories, this one has helped me keep troubles and disappointments in my life in perspective. I hope the story will serve you as well.

A very wealthy man visited a prophet and commissioned him to write something special about riches and prosperity for his family. What the man was looking for was words of wisdom or insight that he could pass down from generation to generation.

After taking the man’s money the prophet pulled out a large piece of paper and wrote:

Father dies

Son dies

Grandson dies

He then handed the paper to the man.

“What is this?” asked the rich man. “Is this some sort of a joke? I asked you to write me something regarding prosperity and riches for my family to treasure and you write me this?”

The prophet then explained.

“If your son dies before you, you will be sad for the rest of your days.

“If your grandson should die before you, you and your son will be heartbroken.

“If your family dies, generation after generation, in the order I have written, your family is truly prosperous.”

Check out Doris’ latest books, “The Boy Whose Idea Could Feed the World” as well as, “The Parent Teacher Discussion Guide.” and “Thin Becomes You”. Doris’ web page: www.doriswildhelmering.com

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Danger… Your relationship may be in trouble if:

The two of you bicker all the time.

When couples bicker, they exchange lots of negative strokes. Over the years they remember these barbs and store them inside until they build a wall between themselves. This is called the Wall of Trivia. Once this wall is in place, couples stop feeling close and stop talking intimately.

You do not take time out to play just the two of you.

Many couples know the importance of play time with the children. They’re off to the pumpkin patch and the Zoo and soccer games. What they don’t do is take time for each other to go for a ride, to go out for breakfast.

You no longer have an active sex life.

It’s easy to get out of the habit of having sex. As one man said, “We have to pay our bills and have clean underwear. And there’s only so much time.” What sex does is renew the commitment – the two of you are a couple.

You are not sharing household chores.

Some individuals like to cook and clean. And some enjoy doing windows. But rare is the individual who wants to do it all, or who has time to do it all. Couples need to do an inventory of who does what and work toward sharing household chores.

You don’t agree on how to parent the children.

If you tell your son he may not have the car Friday night, and your mate comes along and tells him he can have it, your mate is sending the loud message that what you say isn’t important. You don’t count. He also sets up a good guy/bad guy relationship between you.

You do not have equal access to the finances.

Most often, one partner makes more money than the other. Unfortunately the one who brings in the bacon, or most of it, sometimes feels that he should be the one to spend more. This thinking causes a one-up one-down relationship, which translates into all kinds of bad behaviors.

You don’t respect or value your mate.

If you don’t value your mate, you’re not going to want to spend time with her or listen to her opinions and ideas. Once someone is of little value, that person becomes a throw-away.

One of you drinks too much.

When a mate drinks too much, he’s not intellectually or emotionally available, so he’s hardly a companion. Too much drinking also leads to the drinking spouse justifying rude and inappropriate behaviors.

One of you has a bad temper.

It’s OK to get angry. But if you’re always spouting off about what you don’t like, and always trying to control your mate with your angry feelings, aren’t you really saying that you matter more?

Neither of you can apologize.

Apologies say, “I stepped on your feelings and I won’t do that again.” If you can’t apologize, you’re pretending you’re perfect. It’s a drag living with someone who thinks she never makes a mistake.

You never have a disagreement.

No two people are alike. When two people agree on everything, someone is not being true to himself or herself. When two people see the world from slightly different perspectives, this brings energy and even disagreement sometimes. This is healthy.

You don’t have common goals for the future.

Where do you want to be in five years? In 10 years? Do you have a financial plan for the children’s education, your retirement? What are your goals as a couple? When couples are in trouble, they don’t think about the future.

One of you is unfaithful.

Affairs always hurt a marriage. Most marriages, however, can survive an affair, particularly if both mates do the repair work after it ends. But if one mate continues to be unfaithful it’s a marriage in name only.

You’re sarcastic and put each other down.

Every time you are sarcastic or critical, you drive a wedge in the marriage. If you’re sarcastic or critical five times a week, in 10 years you’ve chalked up 2,600 hits against your mate. Would you stay with a friend that hurt you 2,600 times?

The two of you don’t exchange compliments and thank yous.

It’s easy to forget to say, “Thanks for picking up my shirts from the cleaners,” “Thanks for taking care of that wedding gift,” “Thanks for putting in a new furnace filter.” Not recognizing what your mate does translates into taking advantage of your mate’s good will.

Most couples start out intending to stay married. If you hope to continue your married life, heed the warning signs.

Check out Doris’ latest books, “The Boy Whose Idea Could Feed the World” as well as, “The Parent Teacher Discussion Guide.” and “Thin Becomes You”. Doris’ web page: www.doriswildhelmering.com

 

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