Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for the ‘Behaviors’ Category

Do you respect the people you live with?

I know a husband who keeps asking his wife to please close the garage door at night. She rarely does.

A teen-ager wants to dry a blouse she has just washed. So she takes the wet clothes out of the dryer and throws them on top of the washer so she can dry her blouse. She never puts the wet clothes back in the dryer.

Take the following test to see how you fare in the respecting-others department.
Answer yes or no.

  1. When you know someone is sleeping, do you tiptoe around, keep lights off, and turn the volume down on the television?
  2. Do you put a new roll of toilet paper on the holder if you use the last piece?
  3. Do you always ask before you borrow clothes, jewelry, money, tools?
  4. Are you ready to go when it’s time to leave for church and family outings?
  5. Do you let others in the family know that you’re going to bed and do you
    say good night?
  6. Do you shut off your alarm clock when it starts to ring?
  7. Do you clean up your snack dishes and wipe off the counter?
  8. Do you leave the bathroom in good shape for the next member?
  9. Do you give others their messages?
  10. Do you get off the phone when you know someone else wants to use it?
  11. Do you sometimes pick up after other family members?
  12. Do you refill ice-cube trays after using them?
  13. Is your tone of voice as pleasant when you’re with your family as it is when you’re with your friends?
  14. Do you do your fair share of chores?
  15. Do you wait until someone is off the telephone before starting a conversation?
  16. Are you careful not to interrupt when someone in the family is talking?
  17. Do you keep yourself from saying hurtful things even though you would like to blast someone verbally?
  18. Do you keep your part of the house clean?
  19. Do you use the word “please” when you ask others in the household to do something for you?
  20. Are you conscious of not taking or demanding too much of the family’s income for your own wants?

Every “no” answer shows some disrespect for another family member.

If you are respectful outside your home, you are displaying a virtuous quality. If you are respectful in your own home, you are truly virtuous.

Check out Doris’ latest books, “The Boy Whose Idea Could Feed the World” as well as, “The Parent Teacher Discussion Guide” and “Thin Becomes You”.

Doris’ web page: www.doriswildhelmering.com

Advertisements

Read Full Post »

Often people feel like victims in life. They think they have no control over what happens to them. But what they don’t think about are all the times they set themselves up to be victims. Here are some of the typical ways you can be sure to bring on some additional problems for yourself:

Don’t get out of bed when the alarm goes off. Instead, keep pressing the snooze button.

Don’t have a leaky roof fixed.

Don’t follow the washing instructions on a favorite wool sweater.

Don’t send in your warranty cards.

Have an important luncheon to attend and don’t look up the directions on how to get there until you are walking out the door.

Don’t study for your exam until the night before.

Wait until the deadline before filling out your college applications.

Ignore the gas company’s warning that you haven’t paid your bill.

Overschedule so you run late for every appointment.

Go to exercise class, even though you have a pulled hamstring.

Insist on picking up the tab, when you’re flat broke.

Make coffee every day at the office because you’re the only woman.

Go to a movie that will give you night­mares for months to come.

Fix a big family dinner and then insist that you’ll take care of all the dishes the following morning.

Notice that a friend has burned a hole in your new coat and say, “Oh, it’s OK.”

Agree to a 6 a.m. breakfast appoint­ment with a client who consistently over­sleeps.

Share a well-guarded secret with someone who’s a blabbermouth.

Lend $50 to the person who hasn’t paid you the last $50 he owes you.

Let your driver’s license expire.

Don’t pay your personal property tax, so that when it’s time to get your car license, you have to do everything the last day of the month.

Can you think of any other ways that you set yourself up as a victim?

Check out Doris’ latest books, “The Boy Whose Idea Could Feed the World” as well as, “The Parent Teacher Discussion Guide” and “Thin Becomes You”.

Doris’ web page: www.doriswildhelmering.com

Read Full Post »

Marie threw a load of clothes into the washer and started it up. A few minutes before, Frank had stepped into the shower. As the washer filled with cold water, Frank was showered with very hot water. He stepped back from the shower nozzle and started banging on the wall. “I’m being scalded to death,” he bellowed. “Turn off that washer!”

Marie rushed to shut off the washer. Neither she or Frank had messed up. You might say it was just bad timing.

But some problems caused by bad timing can be prevented.

For example, you’re talking on the telephone and your husband asks you the whereabouts of the checkbook. You must now tell the party on the other end to wait while you talk to your husband. Or you can try to mouth the answer. Or you can grab a paper and pencil and write a note. No matter how you handle it, your mate’s timing is poor and he’s created a stressful situation for you.

Another example: As you are rushing out the door to go to work, your child asks you to sign a permission slip for school or announces this is her day to bring a snack. Had she brought up the issue the day before, it would not have been a big deal. But because of her faulty timing, your feathers are bound to be ruffled.

One woman says her husband’s “favorite trick” is to start talking finances right before bedtime. “Talking about bills and our money makes me feel anxious. Once he brings up the bills, I can’t fall asleep.”

Bad timing in the home also includes:

  • Making a telephone call right after your wife has told you dinner is ready.
  • Asking your parents for money or the car a few minutes after you’ve smarted
    off to them.
  • Starting an important conversation with someone who is engrossed in a movie
    or trying to balance the checkbook.
  • Yelling for your mate to come and look at something in the front yard when you
    have no idea where he is in the house or what he’s doing.
  • Expecting sex when you’ve been rude and just had a fight.
  • Telling your spouse you have no money as you pull in the movie parking lot.
  • Sweeping the floor when the rest of the family is in the car waiting to leave.
  • Talking about redecorating the family room when your husband has just told
    you he feels insecure about his job.

Remember, smooth relationships require sensitivity to what others are doing and feeling. So watch your timing.

Check out Doris’ latest books, “The Boy Whose Idea Could Feed the World” as well as, “The Parent Teacher Discussion Guide” and “Thin Becomes You”.

Doris’ web page: www.doriswildhelmering.com

Read Full Post »

When my son rented a house in Philadelphia with several other students during his college days, he found himself the keeper of a mangy 13-year-old dog, Blackthorn.

The problem for Blackthorn was that one of the other students who was renting also had a dog. This dog’s name was Kaya. Kaya was young, energetic and certainly more attractive than Blackthorn. So he got almost all the attention.

To make matters worse for Blackthorn, he had a large patch of hair missing on his back. This, of course, discouraged people from petting him.

Come winter, Kaya and his owner moved out. How fortuitous for Blackthorn. Now he was the only dog in the house.

One day, my son bathed him. Another day, he took him for a walk in the woods. When the students had a barbecue, Blackthorn was invited to play Frisbee.

Suddenly, Blackthorn was receiving a lot of attention. He became more energetic and less docile. He wagged his tail more often. His hair grew back. It was almost as if he had returned to an earlier time in his life.

One time, I was sitting in a booth in a restaurant when several men in their 70’s passed by. The one man said to the other, “You know, Sam, I think that woman over there was flirting with you.” Sam half-laughed and said, “You think?” At which point Sam threw back his head, put his chest out, stood a little straighter and quickened his stride across the room.

Which brings me to my mother-in-law. Several years ago I took her to Harry, her eye doctor, for a minor operation. After the surgery Harry asked her if she would like a cup of coffee. Mother, then in her 80’s, said that sounded just wonderful. Harry himself went to get the coffee.

For three days Mother was more perky and more girlish and told everyone about Harry getting her a cup of coffee.

Woman, man or beast – we all need to be recognized.

Check out Doris’ latest books, “The Boy Whose Idea Could Feed the World” as well as, “The Parent Teacher Discussion Guide” and “Thin Becomes You”.

Doris’ web page: www.doriswildhelmering.com

Read Full Post »

She is absolutely unforgiving of her husband. She keeps a ledger in her head of all slights and perceived infractions of the last 22 years. She’s still angry at him for not sending her flowers when their first baby came. It doesn’t count that he gave her a necklace to welcome the birth of their child. No amount of “I’m sorrys” seems to soften her or make a difference. She lets nothing go. With every argument she brings up the same old issues.

Some years ago he made a five thousand dollar investment that turned sour. She never lets him forget. No matter that he’s since made a number of good investments.

She can’t stand his family and constantly puts down his relatives. She talks against them whenever an opportunity presents itself.

As they are leaving a party, she criticizes the other guests. If someone is doing well financially she says it’s because they probably inherited the money. If she hears about a child’s success, she quickly follows up with a negative comment about the family.

She has little tolerance for her children’s bad behavior. Every infraction is major and calls for a lecture and a punishment.

Perhaps her body language is most hurtful. When her husband talks, she rolls her eyes and tilts her head to indicate he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. She often has a look of displeasure on her face when he’s talking. He can’t remember the last time she smiled when he walked in the room or laughed at something he said.

Even though he’s fifty pounds heavier and eight inches taller than his wife, he’s a little afraid of her. She’s never come after him physically, but he’s afraid of what she’s going to say, the lectures that follow his behavior, the looks of disdain.

She’s nice to other people. She runs errands for an elderly woman who lives next door. She’s pleasant to anyone who calls on the telephone. She chats with the clerk at the grocery store. She’s responsible at work. She volunteers at her children’s schools. What he keeps looking for are signs that she loves him.

In the past few years he’s been making more of a life away from her. He’s gotten interested in tennis. He’s been running. He’s been seeing a therapist. He’s been working on changing some of his behaviors. He has made an effort to spend more time with her going to the movies and taking short vacations. He has consciously given her more strokes. He has been trying to gently point out when he thinks her negativism or anger at their children is too much. He’s done more around the house. He’s not interested in another woman. He’s been faithful. He believes in marriage. They have children and history. They are financially tied together.

But soon he’ll leave her.

Check out Doris’ latest books, “The Boy Whose Idea Could Feed the World” as well as, “The Parent Teacher Discussion Guide” and “Thin Becomes You”.

Doris’ web page: www.doriswildhelmering.com

Read Full Post »

Why DO people hold grudges?

I was talking with a woman the other day and she said that her uncle had just died, an uncle she remembered only vague­ly.

It seems that when this woman was small, she was at a family party, and her three-year-old sister kicked the uncle in the shins. The uncle impulsively picked up the little girl, turned her over his knee, and spanked her. An argument ensued between the girl’s father and the uncle. For the next 35 years the two families remained estranged.

The woman’s father attempted to get the families back together a time or two, calling at Christmas to offer good cheer. But the uncle chose to remain angry-righteous, holding tightly to his grudge. Consequently, the families never saw each other again.

Not only did this woman lose contact with her only aunt and uncle, but she lost the relationship with her three cousins whom she loved dearly.

She, of course, wasn’t the only one who suffered from the grudge. Her sister and her mother also missed these relatives. Her father never saw his sister, his nephews, or his brother-in-law again. Family parties and get-togethers ended. “And my poor grandmother never was able to have all of her children and their families together,” said the woman.

As she told her story, I thought: This is a true human tragedy because all it would have taken to mend things between the two families was forgiveness.

If someone is holding a grudge because of your behavior, rush to make a phone call now and ask for forgiveness. If you are the one holding the grudge, let go of your bad feelings and re-establish contact today.

If you have second thoughts about mending a fence, think of all the other people whom you are inadvertently hurting because of your position. Think of the woman who lost her aunt and uncle and her cousins because of one family argument that was never resolved.

Check out Doris’ latest books, “The Boy Whose Idea Could Feed the World” as well as, “The Parent Teacher Discussion Guide” and “Thin Becomes You”.

Doris’ web page: www.doriswildhelmering.com

 

Read Full Post »

Vacation time is here … and vacations provide some people with even more things to fight about than usual.

Here are a few possibilities that guarantee an argument.

Don’t make plans, so when vacation time comes, you can hang around the house, feel miserable, and blame everyone for not doing anything on vacation.

Go along with your partner’s suggestion to fly to your destination, and then complain the entire time about the cost of the airline tickets.

Plan a 2000-mile trip when you have only a week’s vacation. Drive like a madman to get to your destination and back home again.

Assume that you don’t need direc­tions to get to Aunt Lucy’s house, where you just visited seven years ago. When you get lost, don’t ask for directions. Also, yell at everyone else in the car because you’re lost.

Complain about money. For example, use these tried-and-true questions, “Why does everything cost so much money?” “Didn’t you realize how expensive this place was before you booked it?” “What do you kids think we’re made out of, money?”

Don’t forget to blame. For example, “I thought you had the plane tickets. I thought you packed the camera. Why didn’t you remember to bring the suitcases?”

Stick to your guns and accept no changes in plans. If it rains and you had planned to go to the beach, mope around and pout. Refuse to be consoled or get involved in any other activity. In other words, if you feel bummed out, make it a point to ruin everyone else’s day.

If your children become sick or cranky because they’re off schedule and overtired, get mad at them.

Insist that because this is a family vacation, everyone is going to do everything together.

Or you could decide that no matter where you go on vacation, you’ll accept the fact that you’ll probably run into some problems. You won’t criticize or blame or be moody or get too annoyed. You’ll prepare as much as possible. If you forget something, or you can’t do something, you’ll make the best of it. You’ll shrug, you’ll laugh, and you’ll enjoy experiencing life in a different way.

Check out Doris’ latest books, “The Boy Whose Idea Could Feed the World” as well as, “The Parent Teacher Discussion Guide” and “Thin Becomes You”.

Doris’ web page: www.doriswildhelmering.com

Read Full Post »

Older Posts »

%d bloggers like this: