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Posts Tagged ‘Neighborhood Counselor’

My Mom wanted to take a turn having her friends over for dinner and cards,” said Mary Jane. But she’s no longer able to entertain by herself. Physically, it’s too tiring. And mentally, she’s having trouble remembering all there is to coordinate for a dinner. Because she couldn’t take her turn, she was going to quit the group. I told her not to quit her group. I’d help with the party.”

Several days before the party, Mary Jane and her mother worked out the menu. Mary Jane went grocery shopping. She ran to the bakery for dessert. Her husband picked up the wine. Mary Jane partly cooked the meal at her house, got dressed, packed up the food, took it to her mom’s and finished cooking it.

When the guests arrived, Mary Jane’s mother was able to sit and talk with her friends. Mary Jane served the dinner. She then cleared the table, washed the dishes and put everything away.

Serra took her 5-year-old granddaughter, Leah, to Union Station. When it was time to leave, Serra knelt down to fasten little Leah’s coat. As she was buttoning the coat, Leah kissed her on the forehead.

When my dad was growing up, no one taught him to say, “I love you.” It wasn’t something people did. Through the years, I’ve bugged Dad to give me hugs and say “I love you,” which he now does quite often.

Recently, my dad has become a little hard of hearing. This past spring he was helping me with my roses and I said something to him about mulching them. He looked up, smiled at me and said, “I love you too.”

Bill was busy with work. He knew from talking with his mother, who lives in another state, that she was feeling lonely and needed a visit. Bill, unable to go, telephoned his sister and offered to pay her plane fare so she could go visit their mom.

I was having a cup of coffee on the second floor of the Galleria and watching all the shoppers walking around below. I noticed a mother holding her child and repeatedly kissing him on the cheek. I saw a father stop, put his packages on the floor, bend over and tie his little boy’s shoe. I saw two young girls walking hand-in-hand.

I also saw a couple, who probably were in their late 70’s, standing by one of the fountains. Both were wearing suits and both had berets on their heads. Suddenly, they looked up and saw me looking at them. I waved, pointed to their berets, nodded my head up and down in approval and smiled. They each blew me a kiss. I blew them one back.

You can give a valentine each day of the year.

Check out Doris’ latest books, “The Boy Whose Idea Could Feed the World” as well as, “The Parent Teacher Discussion Guide.” and “Thin Becomes You”.
Doris’ web page: www.doriswildhelmering.com

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The following story is Zen. Of all stories, this one has helped me keep troubles and disappointments in my life in perspective. I hope the story will serve you as well.

A very wealthy man visited a prophet and commissioned him to write something special about riches and prosperity for his family. What the man was looking for was words of wisdom or insight that he could pass down from generation to generation.

After taking the man’s money the prophet pulled out a large piece of paper and wrote:

Father dies

Son dies

Grandson dies

He then handed the paper to the man.

“What is this?” asked the rich man. “Is this some sort of a joke? I asked you to write me something regarding prosperity and riches for my family to treasure and you write me this?”

The prophet then explained.

“If your son dies before you, you will be sad for the rest of your days.

“If your grandson should die before you, you and your son will be heartbroken.

“If your family dies, generation after generation, in the order I have written, your family is truly prosperous.”

Check out Doris’ latest books, “The Boy Whose Idea Could Feed the World” as well as, “The Parent Teacher Discussion Guide.” and “Thin Becomes You”. Doris’ web page: www.doriswildhelmering.com

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Danger… Your relationship may be in trouble if:

The two of you bicker all the time.

When couples bicker, they exchange lots of negative strokes. Over the years they remember these barbs and store them inside until they build a wall between themselves. This is called the Wall of Trivia. Once this wall is in place, couples stop feeling close and stop talking intimately.

You do not take time out to play just the two of you.

Many couples know the importance of play time with the children. They’re off to the pumpkin patch and the Zoo and soccer games. What they don’t do is take time for each other to go for a ride, to go out for breakfast.

You no longer have an active sex life.

It’s easy to get out of the habit of having sex. As one man said, “We have to pay our bills and have clean underwear. And there’s only so much time.” What sex does is renew the commitment – the two of you are a couple.

You are not sharing household chores.

Some individuals like to cook and clean. And some enjoy doing windows. But rare is the individual who wants to do it all, or who has time to do it all. Couples need to do an inventory of who does what and work toward sharing household chores.

You don’t agree on how to parent the children.

If you tell your son he may not have the car Friday night, and your mate comes along and tells him he can have it, your mate is sending the loud message that what you say isn’t important. You don’t count. He also sets up a good guy/bad guy relationship between you.

You do not have equal access to the finances.

Most often, one partner makes more money than the other. Unfortunately the one who brings in the bacon, or most of it, sometimes feels that he should be the one to spend more. This thinking causes a one-up one-down relationship, which translates into all kinds of bad behaviors.

You don’t respect or value your mate.

If you don’t value your mate, you’re not going to want to spend time with her or listen to her opinions and ideas. Once someone is of little value, that person becomes a throw-away.

One of you drinks too much.

When a mate drinks too much, he’s not intellectually or emotionally available, so he’s hardly a companion. Too much drinking also leads to the drinking spouse justifying rude and inappropriate behaviors.

One of you has a bad temper.

It’s OK to get angry. But if you’re always spouting off about what you don’t like, and always trying to control your mate with your angry feelings, aren’t you really saying that you matter more?

Neither of you can apologize.

Apologies say, “I stepped on your feelings and I won’t do that again.” If you can’t apologize, you’re pretending you’re perfect. It’s a drag living with someone who thinks she never makes a mistake.

You never have a disagreement.

No two people are alike. When two people agree on everything, someone is not being true to himself or herself. When two people see the world from slightly different perspectives, this brings energy and even disagreement sometimes. This is healthy.

You don’t have common goals for the future.

Where do you want to be in five years? In 10 years? Do you have a financial plan for the children’s education, your retirement? What are your goals as a couple? When couples are in trouble, they don’t think about the future.

One of you is unfaithful.

Affairs always hurt a marriage. Most marriages, however, can survive an affair, particularly if both mates do the repair work after it ends. But if one mate continues to be unfaithful it’s a marriage in name only.

You’re sarcastic and put each other down.

Every time you are sarcastic or critical, you drive a wedge in the marriage. If you’re sarcastic or critical five times a week, in 10 years you’ve chalked up 2,600 hits against your mate. Would you stay with a friend that hurt you 2,600 times?

The two of you don’t exchange compliments and thank yous.

It’s easy to forget to say, “Thanks for picking up my shirts from the cleaners,” “Thanks for taking care of that wedding gift,” “Thanks for putting in a new furnace filter.” Not recognizing what your mate does translates into taking advantage of your mate’s good will.

Most couples start out intending to stay married. If you hope to continue your married life, heed the warning signs.

Check out Doris’ latest books, “The Boy Whose Idea Could Feed the World” as well as, “The Parent Teacher Discussion Guide.” and “Thin Becomes You”. Doris’ web page: www.doriswildhelmering.com

 

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These six steps may sound too easy to be true, but each tenant is rooted in science and neuro-linguistic programming. Read the list. Copy it. Post it. E-mail it to a friend.

1) Flood your brain hundreds of times each day with the positive affirmation, “I choose to eat carefully and exercise with vigor.”

2) Buy a fitness tracker and learn how many steps you actually take. Ideally you will be taking between 8,000 and 10,000 steps each day.

3) Give yourself a special goal each and every day. This is called your today goal.
For example:
“Today I’ll pass up all snacks and desserts.”
“Today I’ll work out with my hand weights for 5 minutes.”

4) Pick a weight loss plan that has worked for you in the past: for example, counting calories or Weight Watcher points.

5) E-mail or text a friend each day and tell them how you’re doing. Let them know if you’re saying your affirmation, the number of steps you’ve taken, your calories or points, and any weight loss tip that you would like to share. If you screw up and eat an entire cake, let them know.

6) If you slip, start at the top of the list and do it all over again. All research shows that if you keep at it, you will develop a new lifestyle and you will lose weight.

P.S. If you follow these six steps, you’ll change the neuro-landscape of your brain. You’ll think differently, feel differently, and behave differently, and you’ll reach your weight loss goal. Make the choice. Embrace these six scientifically proven weight loss tenants. Become the weight and the person you are meant to be.

Check out Doris’ latest books, “The Boy Whose Idea Could Feed the World” as well as, “The Parent Teacher Discussion Guide.” and “Thin Becomes You”. Doris’ web page: www.doriswildhelmering.com

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Many arguments between parents and children could be avoided if parents were more conscious of the way they communicated with their children.

Here’s a communication tip you can start using today.

The Broken Record Routine
If Bobby asks you to drop him at the mall and you don’t want him to go, tell him, “No, I don’t want you at the mall.”

If he responds, “But Mom, all my friends are going,” don’t say, If everybody jumps off a cliff, are you going to jump off too?

Instead, go for solution and simply state, “I don’t want you at the mall.”

If Bobby tells you you’re the meanest person in the world, don’t respond. He’s simply venting his frustration. If he keeps nagging, keep your voice even and repeat, “I don’t want you at the mall.” Then walk away if possible.

At some point, Bobby will get the message and you’ll save yourself and family needless arguing.

Observations only
If your 12-year daughter has left her dirty dishes sitting in the family room, simply make an observation: “Your dirty dishes are in the family room.”

If her room is a mess, make an observation: “You have a lot of things lying around in your room.”
If you think she’s been on the phone too long, you might say, “You’ve been on the telephone for quite awhile now.”

Simply making an observation keeps you from being critical and invites your child to develop her own conscious.

Will stating the obvious get you the results you want? Not always, but sometimes.

Check out Doris’ latest books, “The Boy Whose Idea Could Feed the World” as well as, “The Parent Teacher Discussion Guide.” and “Thin Becomes You”. Doris’ web page: www.doriswildhelmering.com

 

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A man I see in therapy explained.

I had an affair two years ago and my wife won’t get off of it. She constantly brings up the affair. She says I don’t understand how hurt she is. I say, “Hey I gave up the affair. I apologized. I’m here. Get over it.” What can I do to get her to stop thinking about the past?

Man, you don’t get it. It takes about 5 years to get over an affair, and then rarely does trust come back 100%. Each time your wife brings up the affair, something has triggered her bad feelings. And I bet there are plenty of times when your wife doesn’t bring up your affair even though she’s had thought of it and felt the hurt.

Instead of telling your wife to get over it, which is incredibly insensitive, apologize again and again for the hurt you have caused her. For example, “I’m so sorry I hurt you. I love you. I care about you. You’re the best. And again, I am really sorry.”

After several thousand sincere apologies, yes, several thousand, such as the one above, your wife will be more able to move on in her life without being reminded on a daily basis.

Check out Doris’ latest books, “The Boy Whose Idea Could Feed the World” as well as, “The Parent Teacher Discussion Guide” and “Thin Becomes You”.
Doris’ web page: www.doriswildhelmering.com

 

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Someone in therapy recently asked,
“I’m dating a guy who doesn’t make much money. I have to admit that I like “things.” So should I break it off and look for someone with a higher salary?”

Let me ask you this girlfriend. Are you looking for a meal ticket? If you want and enjoy things as most of us do, no problem. Focus on how you’re going to make more money however, instead of how much money the guy makes. This new focus will allow you to evaluate this new man in more appropriate terms, such as:

Do you have the same interests?
Do the two of you laugh together?
Is he a good sex partner?
Does he demonstrate integrity?
Is he honest?
Does he show empathy?

 

Check out Doris’ latest books, “The Boy Whose Idea Could Feed the World” as well as, “The Parent Teacher Discussion Guide.” and “Thin Becomes You”. Doris’ web page: www.doriswildhelmering.com

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